I don't know what the following excerpts from the personals in an Irish newspaper have to do with computers, but I'm starting this page with them.

Caution. You may not know my sense of humour. What is fun for me may be anathema to you.
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Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.

Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open- minded twin sister.

And My favourite?
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.

Hugh asked me to have a look at his "E-Machine" as it was a little bit noisy and acting kinda flakey 

"E-Rratic" you could say.

Now before you go thinking about spyware infestations, virii and the like, be aware that Hugh uses his computer only for light gaming and as a word processor. It has not been online since last year, nor has he installed any new software.

Now I'll be honest. Being a bit of a hardware slut I'm no big fan of the "E-Machine. Until now, I used to think they were overpriced crap. I mean, just look at the statement on the front of the machine. 

"This computer is Never obsolete". Really? It's the last computer I'll ever need?

And I'll never need more than 512k of ram either. And pigs can fly.

(Oh and while you're looking at the front of the computer, see if you can spot the beard hair on the left side. The damn bastard thing yanked it out of my chin when the CD-ROM door closed. Gives new meaning to the term eee-machine.)

Ok, having said all that, I have to admit that considering what I discovered when the cover was pulled off this bad boy, I have a new found respect for its durability and perseverance, in the face of grievous odds.

It should be apparent just from looking at the pictures,

that Hugh has been using his computer as an air purifier!

And quite possibly a vacuum cleaner!

And a leaf blower as well!

BUT...

Any self respecting computer would have fried its CPU, blown up its power supply, and set fire to the building!

Can you say ug-ug-ugly!   Just for the sake of comparison, this is what a typical CPU fan looks like...

'Nuff said.

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